"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch, You really are a heel! You're as cuddly as a cactus, You're as charming as an eel..."

Havant has outlawed Christmas. Instead the town's 99.1% white population will be treated to a sterile mutli-faith "Festival of Light". Despite having a decidedly neo-pagan ring to it this has actually turned out to be the meaning of "Diwali", the celebration held in November by Hindus. Residents of all creeds, now inadvertantly converted en masse to Hinduism by the state, will now be able to join in the celebrations, which they were apparently barred from in some way in previous years.

Initially condemning the move as "political correctness gone absolutely barmy" local councillors were later to be seen scrambling all over themselves like a team of circus clowns trying to do a pit job at the Silverstone Grand Prix after realising that the festival was their own creation. The eviction of Santa Claus from his grotto was pure coincidence, it was claimed, and down to fire safety regulations. Unfortunately the actual marching orders failed to mention fire safety at all, and Roger Green, president of the Lions Club that had ran the grotto, denied that there was any fire hazard to speak of. What with his being a fireman of thirty years experience and until recently Hampshire's premier fire prevention officer I'm inclined to believe him.

The town's "Festival of Light: Cleaner, Safer, More Prosperous" banner was similarly explained away. "It's not political correctness. This is an event for all the community but everbody knows it's about Christmas so there was no need to mention it." said councillor Jane Rayner with supremely twisted logic. Presumably there will be no need to mention the names of Easter or Thanksgiving on their respective dates in coming years either, given that knowing what they are about apparently makes such traditional labels redundant.

Coming Soon to a New Year near you: "Chocolate Capsule Day: Watered Down, Less Christian, More Simpering".

"Audi et Alteram Partem"

The Austrian government's belated admission that it has taken British historian David Irving into custody should come as no surprise to those who have been keeping track of the liberal intelligentsia's escalating campaign against thoughtcriminals. Arguments supported by reams of documentary evidence and original research have been expertly countered by making their conclusions (admittedly dubious) illegal.

When voicing an opinion on a matter of history is enough to earn you a jail sentence of up to twenty years (significantly longer than what a majority of rapists and paedophiles would find themselves facing) simply because a government finds it detrimental to their efforts in re-shaping a society one has to wonder how far removed continental Europe's left-leaning governments really are from the communist hell-nations their side of the political coin produced in the 20th century. Already they are remarkably casual in acting with neither the popular support or democratic consent of their people in curbing voices of dissent and introducing legislation nobody wants because they believe they "know what's best".

Irving's books and speeches on the holocaust do not incite or glorify violence (more than can be said for the works of rap "artists" that put things like rape and murdering policemen up on pedestals) but merely put forth a historical viewpoint. Whether the assertions of the man are a million miles off the mark or not is besides the point. Since you don't get arrested for going about saying other things widely considered untrue - that the moon landings were faked or that Genghis Khan was a parakeet, for example - we can only assume that there is a political agenda.